Cars, Driving and more besides

Here’s a car we saw whilst out walking the dog on Sunday (click here for the bigger version). It was parked next to Ems car and as you can see it was totally covered in brambles. I posted this on a certain forum and got the expected responses..

– I bought one of those…it wooden go!
– I’m tempted to add a pun, but I think I’ll leaf it be.
– Haha I just twigged onto that..
– It’s only on his root-rack though …
– And there was no room in the trunk
– I woodn’t buy one again
– You need to branch out more
– Are you in the special branch?
– Looks like they’ve bracken down
– Very fern-y!

Oh dear :) Hehehe.. Are you still reading ? Well, I’ll tell you about something I’ve noticed today. Old people. Old people driving cars. What the hell happens to people when they reach a certain age ? There I am, pumping the car full of hugely expensive (90p a chuffin litre) Unleaded when I hear this tiny car engine being revved to buggery. I turn around and see a Rover Metro pulling up to another fuel pump driven by a lovely old dear who’s attempting to drive by peering between the dashboard and the top of the steering wheel. I’ll give her credit, she did manage to park it fairly well next to the pump and didn’t cause a large fire by smashing into it. However, she did this maneuver whilst the engine was at about 6000 rpm.

So what is it about older drivers? Do they get another driving test at 65 to tell them how to drive rubbish ? I’m not having a go – the lady was a lovely old dear and she operated the “pay at pump” thing excellently – so why, after (presumably) years of driving – does it all go to pot so quick? Perhaps there is a new driving test that I’m not aware of. I can just imagine it now..

“Right Maud, I want you to start the car – ensuring that you keep the key in the ‘Start’ position for a full 10 seconds after the engine has started”

“Good, right now before we pull off I need you to take the engine up to 6000 revs – or the rev limiter, whichever is higher. That’s it.”

“Now take your foot off the clutch – woah, not all the way – just a little, just to get the car moving slightly. That’s it, now keep the clutch pedal half-way down until you can smell the burning smell from the clutch.. That’s right – keep the accelerator flat down…”

“Ok, now as the speed increases and we get near 20mph I need to to let go of the clutch completely.”

“That’s it. Smashing. Now stick at that speed everywhere. Don’t worry about the other gears dear, we won’t be needing those”

I know, I shouldn’t mock. I’ll be old one day too, but I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve seen a small car parking or doing a very slow turn whilst the engine is bouncing off the rev limiter. The one I remember vividly was some years ago when I was contracting. In the middle of Chorley, Lancashire an elderly gent held me and an entire street up while he attempted to do a parallel-park into a space outside the chemist. After several attempts, including one which resulted in him bashing his exhaust on the chemist window, he ended up parking forwards with both front wheels on the pavement. This, again was with the accelerator pedal rammed straight down with just solid clutch-burning control moving the car around.

Ahh memories – I’ll never forget the look on the face of the lady trying to cross the road as the olderly chap popped the clutch and wheel-spun by accident. :)