ITV! I can save you!

ITV is posting some poor profits today. I think I know why. I’ve been doing a bit of research and, after careful analysis, it appears that the majority of programmes are s**t.

Let’s take “The Palace” for starters. It’s a drama based on the Royal Family.. not the real Royals, this is just some family that ITV have made up. It’s s**t.

Next, ITV are about to launch “Rock Rivals“. This is an “innovative” idea which, apparently, will have you on the edge of your seats. It’s a drama about a TV music talent show, however there’s a twist – you get to choose which actor gets booted off each week. Oh, the excitement. They’ve even filmed different endings, and you get to go “behind the scenes” to see what the judges and contestants get up to. Now, I haven’t even seen this, but based purely on the trailers I’ve seen, I’m safe to say it’s s**t.

Everything else isn’t too bad. Ant and Dec I’m fine with, Harry Hill is cool and Dancing on Ice manages to pull in more male viewers than ever thanks to Holly Willoughby and her “will it fall off or not” dresses.

Top stuff. Just bin those two shows and ITV will be fine. Job done.

Oh – just remembered… Echo Beach and Moving Wallpaper. Bin those shows too, they’re appauling..