I have a flu-like illness with some vomiting

Micheal Jackson.. that’s all I’m gonna say.

Actually, that’s a lie. I’m gonna say a lot more, because it was Jacko who kick-started these last couple of crappy days, which have totally ar*ed me off. Now, I’m not a huge fan of Mr Jackson. Sure, a few of his songs may have me tapping my foot if I’m force-fed them on LocalRubbish FM, but I probably wouldn’t go out and buy one of his CD’s. What really got on my nerves though was when he took himself off to hospital.. yes.. hospital because he had “Flu like Symptoms” .. My arse. Who the flip goes to hospital when they’ve got the snivvles ?

Here it is.. sorry, here he is (above) about 24 hours before going into hospital. According to news reports, the hospital in question was the Marian Medical Center, where they strangely rushed him to an emergency room (emergency ? really?). It was after this that Chuck Merrill, an emergency physician said that he had “a flu-like illness with some vomiting.” So, let me get this right.. let me just check that this isn’t all a magical fairy tale.. He’s coughed a bit, feels a bit dizzy, he’s sick a bit, so he gets rushed to the Emergency Room in a hospital ? H e L l O!!!??!

The reason I’m going on about this is that on Tuesday morning when this story broke, I too started going a bit dizzy and being sick – I had hot sweats, the shakes – everything. After a night of absolutely no sleep I awoke the next morning and felt a million times worse. Today isn’t much better… but .. BUT .. if I was to go the the local hospital here in the UK, walk into he Emergency Room and say, “Hello, I’ve got a flu-like illness with some vomiting”, they’d quite rightly boot me out and tell me to go and see my local doctor. Gaawwwd… come on Jacko ! Get some paracetamol and have a lie down for flips sake!! (Wait, I think that may be what the court case is about isn’t it?) ;)

Now, this morning I went back to work, even though I still feel bloomin terrible. The main reason I went back to work was due to the sheer hell that is Daytime Television. The whole daytime schedule seems to involve cooking, clothes, makeup, car-boot sales, health-issues and doing your house up. AGGH!!

So, I went back to work. On the way to work this morning I had to get some fuel. I wasn’t in the best of moods. I was cold, my big fat red-raw nose was running and I was coughing every minute. After sticking some fuel in went to pay at the kiosk. It’s at this point that I’d like to ask a question…. Why is it that I, and only I, always get some stupid muppet in front of me in a queue ? In a petrol station the “rules” are quite simple, you stick your fuel in, pay, then sod off. However, the muppet in front of me didn’t seem to be aware of these rules. She was a middle-aged lady and looked fairly sensible, but I guess appearances can be very deceptive. The conversation went like this…

Kiosk bird – What pump love?

Muppet bird – Number 6

Kiosk bird – Um.. there seems to be a problem here, that pump hasn’t dispensed any fuel.

Muppet bird – Yes, that’s right.

Kiosk bird – Have you put some in ? Did the pump reset itself?

Muppet bird – No, I haven’t put any in yet.

Kiosk bird – Umm.. You’re supposed to put some fuel in, then pay.

Muppet bird – Really ? That’s not how it normally works is it?

Kiosk bird – Well yes. Some petrol stations do make you give your card first, but there’d be a sign telling you.

Muppet bird – Do you want my card then?

Kiosk bird – No love, you need to put some fuel in.

Muppet bird – But I’ll have to make another trip if you don’t take my card off me now.

Kiosk bird – …. (Long pause)… Umm, no, no, you’ll still have to walk to the pump and back regardless.

Muppet bird – Can you keep my card here though ?

Kiosk bird – You need to fill up fi…. ermm.. let’s just leave it on the desk here shall we ?

Muppet bird – OK.

You could hear the sheer desperation in the Kiosk-birds’ voice. However, after the Muppet bird eventually toddled off out to put some fuel in, we saw her walk back to her car, which was parked in the lorry refueling section. The kiosk bird then said, “Ohh no.. how stupid can someone be.” After I’d stumped up for my fuel, she came back in..

“Excuse me, your pumps only do Diesel, I need Unleaded”

How about trying the pumps a few metres to the left, where there’s several cars waiting for UNLEADED love!!!