Drunk .. for a change

Before I start, I couldn’t think of a picture for this blog, so I found this fox-hunting thing on B3ta.com. I’ll try not to push my opinions about the fox hunting debate on anyone, although I will say that – a few months ago when protestors would stand by the huntsmen with signs saying, “Ban fox hunting” or “Stop the hunt” etc. I wish I’d turned up with a big sign saying, “Hey huntsmen, do you all realise that you look like a bunch of idiots?” I meeeeaaaaan – what’s with those red outfits ? Eh?! Eh?! No ? Dust ? Anybody ? Dust ? Anybody ? No ? Dust ? (It’s a reference to Little Britain .. Maybe I should change the subject now before you all stop reading yes?) Yes? :)

It’s not big or clever to be drunk, and I’m not going to sit here and say, “Yeah, I was smashed last night, it was great”, because ……… ahhh, what a load of rubbish. Yes I am going to say that actually, because I was quite drunk and I did have a good time! Usually when I go to the pub these days I end up driving, so I have a wild night drinking Pepsi Max or lemonade. Hell, sometimes I even go really crazy and have an orange juice – yes, that’s how mad and crazy I am.

However, last night I treated myself to a taxi back home so I could have a couple of boozes. It was really bloomin cold last night and the footpaths had frozen over – I had trouble standing up even before I went to the pub. I ordered my taxi then set about the task of drinking some nice cold lager. This part of the night went well, and I was up to my usual tricks like telling loud jokes across the pub and generally making a nuisance of myself with the bar staff.

The taxi I’d ordered was booked for 11.45 – later than I’d liked, but it was the only “slot” available. Now, by midnight the taxi was no-where to be seen and I was freezing my nads off. I was getting annoyed by this stage – cold and annoyed. In fact, the thing that tipped it for me was the drink. This turned me into a cold, annoyed and very drunk person standing outside a (now closed) pub, waiting for a taxi that was supposed to be there. I called the taxi company and got an answer phone. Now, because I was slighty cold and I was losing the feeling in my toes I decided to leave a reasoned and balanced answer-phone message for them. It went like this…

“Thanks for leaving me out in the bloody cold mate, much appreciated.”

..then I may..possibly have decended into a rant of some kind… It may have involved some swear-words…

After I’d got off the phone I called another taxi company – it was by now at least 10 past midnight. I explained to them that I’d been left down by the first taxi company and they said, “Righto mate, we’ll be there in 5 minutes” … Fantastic!

After 5 minutes the taxi arrived and I got in. Brilliant ! .. ahh.. but no… this taxi was actually the one I’d originally ordered some hours ago, and they apologised for being so late.


This was the very same taxi company that I’d called only minutes earlier, telling them what a pile of dog poo they were (or words to that effect). To make matters worse, I then got a call from the second taxi firm, demanding a pick-up charge because I hadn’t cancelled the call-out, and they were now sat outside the pub waiting for me.


I couldn’t be bothered to listen to the guy on the phone, so I just put the phone down on them, then when I arrived home I stumbled out of the “worst ******* taxi company in the entire ****** world” and wobbled into the house. After describing my evening with crazy hand movements, slurred speech and rolling eyes to my darling girlfriend I heard a knock at the door.


Who was this? The second taxi company demanding cash? The first taxi company wanting to find out why I’d told them to “stick your taxi up your ** **** **!!”

Bear in mind here that this was now around half-past midnight and my missus was already annoyed with me for (hang on, let me get the list…) …

Being almost too drunk to walk, talking rubbish, talking too loud, leaving a window open, getting in late, not calling to say where I was and calling up the taxi company and shouting at them.

So, I opened the door – there’s my taxi driver, the one that had turned up late. I was all ready to launch into a barage of drunken abuse, I just needed the driver to say, “Hey, you called our control and they’re not happy at all”… But no, the driver held my phone toward me – my SPV C500… “You forgot this mate, it was in the footwell” ….


Now, to change topic completely, it’s been mentioned in the news today that a quarter of people have been the victim, or know of someone who has fallen prey to “identity theft”. This has increased wildly since emails pretending to be from major banks have mislead people into revealing their details.

Make sure that your non-techy friends / relatives are aware that banks will NEVER email and ask for security info, because these emails are very good “copies” and will fool many many people into clicking the links (which look real) and filling in their account information. These emails are very well crafted, and even the links will look correct, such as https://online.lloydstsb.com etc – however, the link is changed in the code of the email and takes you to a web server elsewhere. All the graphics and even the REAL site will be loaded in the background – it looks VERY real and unless you’re a techy you’d be hard-pushed to spot the difference.

Tell you what, let me show you.. here’s an email I just received..

Looks good doesn’t it ? Very well crafted, so real-looking and it immediately starts you worrying. Spain!? I logged in from SPAIN!?! That’s not right.. let me sort this out..

See the link above? Looks real, https:// ? Looks secure doesn’t it..
So what happens if you accidentally DO think that this is a real email ? What happens if you DO click the link ? Well, I’ll show you – this is what we get…

Look at that – very realistic. Even the URL looks correct.. but wait.. can you see? just behind and above the Address bar which reads “https://www.paypal.com……….” etc.. you can see the REAL address bar which I’ve attempted to highlight. The “address bar” which reads “https://www.paypal.com…” is actually a clever bit of Javascript which pops up a carefully placed text box in the place where you’d normally see your address bar. Luckily I’ve got a fairly big screen and the screen resolution has pushed it off it’s “mark”.

So, if this “address bar” was in the right place….. how would you know ???? How would you know?? Very very tricky…. and these scammers are more intelligent, more skillfull and quicker than the spammers – the spammers are bad enough, they’ll quickly moved to get around any “Spam Scanner” which is put in place. However, this is direct, targetted email which will take money from you – quickly and incredibly easily. All these guys do is log into your PayPal / Bank account after you’ve clicked “submit” (because, of course, your details won’t go to the “Safe Secure PayPal site” you think, but to some Russian scammer who logs into your account, bleeds it dry and then vanishes.

As a general rule of thumb, never – never, ever, ever, EVER respond to email requests from anyone for security information. PayPal, Ebay, Banks, Building Societies etc will never email you and ask you to do this, so delete the email straight away.

Wow – what a fantastic blog this is eh?! Drunken ramblings and sound internet security advice, all wrapped up in one lovely blog. :)

One last ramble, which involves this picture…

What the chuff is wrong with TV at the moment ? On “normal” TV (the five major UK TV channels), there’s bugger all on. Aside from the excellent Saturday Night Take Away I seem to spend ages flicking through the satellite TV channels (billions of them – I was kinda disappointed that the “Snatch It” channel was just about shopping or something) :) In fact, I even ended up watching an entire episode of the classic Bullseye with Jim Bowen. It’s aired on Challenge TV at 19.30 every week night and then again on another channel somewhere.. dunno which one, it’s probably Challenge TV + an hour and a bit or something. Anyhow, it’s fantastic to watch – let’s face it, there’s nothing else on, so this classic TV show is really worth a look. The episode I watched the other night was probably from the very early years – don’t forget that this show began in 1980 and ran all the way up to 1994. The episode I saw featured Jim wearing pink Farah suit (why the hell it was pink I don’t know, although I’ve had a look on the internet for an image, and green is the closest I could get ….)

The people that won managed to bag themselves a proper big-ass 1981-style TV with a massive round screen (y’know the job, a big wooden thing that weighs 4 tonne), a Crystal Decanter set (to sit in the corner and never get used), a toaster and a set of plates. They gambled, and won the star prize.. Now, I’m always confused by this. Peter Kay is always joking about Bullseye, but I want to know how the two winners split the car / boat that they win ? Do they share it ?

In this case, the fat darts player (who could probably drink me and the rest of the audience in the show under the table easily) and his greasy-haired mate won a Talbot Sunbeam … What a classic crap car that was !!!! I was laughing my head off at this stage… Here’s a picture of the car they won….

Yes, yes, I know Talbot won lots of rallies with this, but lets face it, even in 1982 (or whenever it was) you really don’t wanna be seen driving this thing down the road do you ? So.. I don’t think there was much argument over who was gonna own this spanky new Talbot Sunbeam. :)

Anyway, I think it’s a hilarious TV show and I’ve gotta thank this site and the others below for reminding me about the catchprases…

“Stay out of the black and into the red, Nothing in this game for two in a bed.”

“Look at what you could have won.”

“And Bully’s Special Priiiiize…”

“Now the cash you won for charity earlier… that’s safe.”

“Super, smashing, great.” (somewhat apocryphal)

“Iiiiiiin one…”

“You win nothing but your BFH… Bus Fare Home”

(into the ad break) “I’ve got ___ here and it’ll take me two minutes to count out.”

Right, I’m off .. I’ve just typed for about 15 minutes non-stop, and if you’ve read this far then you’re quite mental. :) By the way, if you’re not offended easy (it’s just a bit of swearing), check out this excellent bit of video tweaking. :)

Links where I robbed things… Bullseye, the TV Show and formatJim Bowen Appreciation Website