Pissed-up purchases

Right that’s it. Another blog post coming your way. Not least because there’s not much news around today, but also because I’ve bought a book. Yes. A book. I’ve not read many books in my life time, mainly because there’s already mountains of text available on this monitor doobery. However, following a drunken night sat at home I did something that just shouldn’t be done after several cans of lager. I went onto the internet.

Surfing the internet whilst drunk just shouldn’t be done. You always end up on Ebay or Amazon and then – the next morning, you have a vague idea that maybe, just maybe, you may have purchased something. Strangely though you are quite intrigued, as you can’t remember what it was that you bought. Sure, you could check it out online, but that would ruin the fun. Why not wait until it arrives?

This is exactly how I ended up with a couple of products in the mail this morning. The first drunken purchase was a DVD called “Al Murray – The Pub Landlord. ..And A Glass Of White Wine For The Lady!”. Have a look here if you want to know who he is. When it arrived in the jiffy bag this morning and I found out what it was it led me to remember why I’d bought it. There was a clip of him on some dire satellite TV channel and I found it quite funny, so I had a look in the Amazon “MarketPlace” section and found a DVD for about 3 quid. Bargain.

The second mystery prize was the book.

“A bloody BoOk?!”

… I said to myself…

“I don’t do books!”

This particular book is “The World According to Clarkson”. Jeremy Clarkson is a fairly outspoken journalist who heads up the presenting team on Top Gear, which I’ve mention previously (have a read here if you don’t know what he does or who he is). Again, this costed me around 3 from the Amazon marketplace (I love the Amazon Marketplace. Why pay full price eh?!), although the seller seems to have charged me 2.75 Postage and Packaging for putting it in a 50p jiffy-bag with a second-class stamp on. Pfff.. How dare they.

I’ve not read many books in my time. By books I mean “proper” books. Sure, I’ve read the odd learning or reference book, but not a “proper” book. The first one I remember was something about the A-Team, which was a hit US TV show in the 1980’s. I think it was actually the script-book and I’d picked it out from the school library after the teacher made us review a book each. We’d been given about 6 months to do it however I was still only part-way through it when I was due to hand it in. The second book was probably a Jackie Chan biography which I read on holiday the once and the third one was some egotistical nonsense by a firefigther at ground zero on September 11th. I only call it “egotistical” because the guy who wrote it tended to portray himself as the one who co-ordinated the entire rescue operation and who pretty much saved everyone he bumped into. I read it whilst on holiday and didn’t really finish it.

So here it is, my fourth ever book.. and d’you know what ? Do you know what the “The World According to Clarkson” is ? It’s just a blog! It’s nothing but a day-to-day diary of his thoughts and activities. It’s funny though, I must admit. The small bit I’ve read so far is excellent and Jeremy Clarkson discusses how the Health and Safety officers tend to stop everyone doing anything. “I got an instruction manual from the Health and Safety people here at the BBC today, on how to open a door. Seriously.” These Health and Safety bods have even more responsibility now due to the onslaught of “Claims Direct” and other “Compensation Claim” companies, which do the usual “no win, no fee” rubbish.

“I fell over a wobbly paving slab in the street and I got 5000 off the council.”

…say the muppets on the adverts. What they don’t tell you is that they probably fiddled with the slab in advance, and took a photo of it to back up their claim. They also don’t tell you about how high the council tax has suddenly become the following year. Pah!

Perhaps – if Jeremy Clarkson can do it, maybe I should submit this blog to a publishing house. Perhaps that’s a good way of making cash ? :)
book – blog ?