Massage Chairs

I’m sure you’ve seen these things dotted around in Motorway Services, Airports and shopping malls around the world. It’s a massage chair. If you’ve got aches and pains from all the walking / shopping then it’s just a matter of plonking a few coins in the slot and sitting down for a bit. The chair itself will massage and sooth your pain away and you’ll get up feeling revived.

Now.. these things confuse me. I have several problems with them…

1 – It robs you of 2
2 – They don’t live up to those “massage parlours” your mates keep telling you about.
3 – You get stared at by passing shoppers
4 – You can get more fun by putting 20p into the Postman Pat van ride and lying on the top…

This morning I was on my way to work in my usual “Monday Morning Haze” (MMH) when I spotted the glowing amber fuel light on the dash-board. It looked as if it had been on for some time too, as the needle had now dropped off the end of the fuel gauge.. not really good when you’re half-way up the M6. In the end I had to bite the bullet and pull over at Stafford services.

For those not in the UK and not regular motorway drivers, it’s probably not ideal to ever fill up at Motorway service stations. This is mainly because some deranged freak creates the petrol prices. Let’s say that petrol costs 90p a litre at a “normal” high-street petrol station. If you go to a Motorway service station you’ll find it costs about 1.05, or 1.30 if you want the “it’ll make you car go a bit quicker, honest” unleaded fuel.

So, after re-mortgaging my house and taking out a few loans I pulled up at the gold-plated petrol pump. I decided to be a stingy-minge and put just 20 quid in. With my “highly economical” (NOT!) car, that’ll last … until tomorrow. So, after you’ve got over the shock of seeing the “Cost” dial shooting up faster than the “Litres Served” dial it’s time to walk into the marble-tiled petrol station shop with my suit-case full of cash. Due to the insane prices the petrol station operators have decided to try and calm people down by putting the afore-mentioned massage chairs slap bang in the middle of the petrol shop. Unfortunately this shop isn’t too big, so there’s not really room for a polite gap between yourself and whoever is sat on the chairs. Seriously, they’re right in the middle of the chocolate-bars and crisps..

I dunno about you, but at 8.30 this morning the very last thing I wanted was to see a fat sweaty trucker being vibrated all over the place while I queued up to pay. The sight of his fat wobbling around in his vest was enough to make me put the Cadburys Creme Egg back on the shelf and run out of there as fast as I could..