I can’t phone home

Everyone that moves house will no doubt have some sort of checklist. I’m steadily working through ours and I’ve ticked off the gas company, the electric company, the water company and many more. So far, so good I thought, and most of the “big” changes have gone smoothly.

Ah, but now we get to the phone line. This is where the wheels come off big style. Rarely do I praise BT but, after speaking to a lovely Irish lady and realising that my phone line wasn’t actually with them, I found their customer service to be way better than our actual phone provider.

So who is it that actually provides our phone line?

Step forward Carphone Warehouse / TalkTalk / OneTel!

This company redefines the word “rubbish”. I spent (and I’m NOT joking here) 2 MINUTES telling the “random out-sourced foreign customer service dude” my PHONE NUMBER!! The conversation started of badly and then got progressively worse…. (obviously I’ve made up the numbers here)…

Them – “Hello, welcome to OneTel / TalkTalk / Carephone Warehouse. My name is (something no-one can understand)”

Me – “Hi. We’re moving house. Can I give you my phone number?”

Them – “Certainly we can help you with that. What is your number”

Me – “It’s 0153…”

Them – “0135..”

Me – “No. 01534…”

Them – “01530…”

Me – “No, 0153…4…”

Them – “Oh sorry. 01554….”

This went on for ages and ages. Eventually the guy started waffling on about something involving engineers and surveys. I asked him why this was, and his response seemed to indicate that a brand new bit of wire was going to be installed from the road / telegraph pole. I then spent another 5 minutes explaining that he’d actually got it all wrong and there was already a line installed at the new property, it just needed our number on (we’re taking the same number with us). This seemed to confuse the issue further, and I ended up putting the phone down on him and calling BT back…..

BT – “Hello BT.”

Me – “Hiya, I’m moving house and I want to change back to you guys as my line provider. How soon can you do it?”

BT – “Ten working days.”

Me – “Fine, that’ll do. Let’s do it, I’ve had enough with Talk Talk / OneTel / Carphone Warehouse”

BT – “The only problem is that, if you’re keeping your number, the new people moving into your old property won’t be able to get a line for 10 working days.”

Me – “That’s nearly two weeks though – can you do it any quicker?”

BT – “If you have a new number yes”

Me – “But …..”

I ended up calling Carphone Cobblers back up and explaining the situation to yet another outsourced person. I explained the situation again and asked how long it would take to move the line if I stayed with them. Guess what? It’s 10 working days again…..

Them – “10 days it will take from….. Monday.”

Me – “Next Monday?!!!”

Them – “No, Monday 30th of July”

Me – “You mean today? Today is Monday.”

Them – “Oh yes”

(I’m getting seriously narked by this stage, especially when the guy doesn’t know what day it is)

Me – “Can I get it done any quicker?”

Them – “Usually you should tell us two weeks in advance when you are about to move home”

Me – “How am I supposed to do that? I only received the move date on Thursday!”

Them – “Sorry, it is the best I can do”

The whole thing is rubbish, especially when you work into the equation that broadband can’t be installed until everything is in properly, so I may not have an internet connection again until almost September. Pfff.. This is well rubbish! :(