A wedding day to remember, but one I nearly missed

Last weekend it was my cousins wedding. He was marrying his long-time girlfriend and everything went well with beautiful weather, ceremony and speeches etc. Me, Emily and little Billy were all prepared. I’d got my suit, Emily had scoured Birmingham for an outfit and Billy had a really stunning suit too.

On the morning of the wedding we were busy preparing for the ceremony. We were doing well. I’d dropped Billy off (he wasn’t coming to the church as it was his nap time) and had arranged to pick him up later. I even had time to get my hair cut and arrived home to find Emily almost ready. We had lots of time. The bride was turning up at the church at 1.30 and it was only 12.40. I washed my hair and opened the wardrobe to get my suit.

…it wasn’t there.

“Em”, I said, “Where’s my suit”.

“It’s in there, look properly”, Em said.

Now, I’m a bloke, and blokes tend to not look properly .. according to women anyway. I wanted to be absolutely sure, so I went through everything in the wardrobe meticulously..

“No, it’s still not here Em”, I said.

Emily walked into our bedroom and suddenly remembered…

“Oh sh**.. Chris borrowed it!”

Yes, my brother-in-law had borrowed it for a photo. He wears a uniform in his job (NHS) and doesn’t really need one so he borrowed mine and …. we totally forgot about it.

“It’s no problem”, I thought, “I’ve got some work trousers and I can get a jacket”.

I went off to find my trousers but.. they were all in the wash. The one pair I had got were sat on the chair and were a little creased. I picked them up and found chocolate, milk, cheese and other stuff smeared all over the place following Billy’s dinner time. Oh.. dear….

It was now 1PM. We were ideally meant to be at the church at 1.15, and it takes about 15 minutes to get there. I’m still in my jeans and, after ringing Chris and asking him to race to the church with my suit, I took a cloth to my work trousers. After quickly ironing them we ran (literally) out of the house, just remembering the camera. We were late, so we had to dash down the M6 Toll for just one junction. We turned up just in time and ran in to the church. I waited to see if Chris had arrived in time but there was no chance he would make it – the brides’ car pulled up and we ran in.

The ceremony went off without a hitch and it was great to see them so happy together. On the way out, as we all followed the bride and groom, a lady appeared and said….


I heard her voice bouncing around the church and figured that my whole suit accident would now be public knowledge.. for at least 2 miles. The suit was wrapped in the very “loud” dry-cleaning bag on a table. I picked it up and held it aloft – there’s no real way of hiding a noisy plastic bag with logos all over it, especially when it’s about 5 feet long. As we came to the door the photographer shouted, “OK, everyone stay where you are.. Photos!”

There’s me, bag in hand, shirt unbuttoned, looking like a right tool. Emily whispered, “Go! Go!”, so I quickly ran back to the car and dived into the back seat. In the distance I could see the photos been taken and I was rushing like mad – I managed to get the trousers off but couldn’t get them back on again, so I quickly opened up the door and stood between my car and another, desperately trying to pull my trousers up. It was about this point that I noticed a train behind me, pulled into the station with faces peering out … My pants were on show and everyone seemed to be having a good look. :(

I quickly shoved my jacket on and ran back. Luckily no-one noticed a thing at the wedding and the day went off without a hitch. Congrats to Dave and Amy! :)