Ultimate embarassment

Here’s something I’ve been meaning to blog about for sometime now. A few weeks ago it was my birthday. I was 21 yet again. We decided to go out for a meal, but first we went a local fair with my nephew and his friend. After that we decided to go to the Frankie and Benny’s restaurant, which is always a good place to go with children.

Now, the friend of my nephew, who I’ll not name for reasons you’ll see shortly, was also sat down and going through his menu. Suddenly, we all caught a whiff of something really bad. It was the definite smell of poo, real poo. I instantly presumed that my son had filled his nappy (he’s only one) so we checked, but no, he hadn’t. We had a good sniff around before my sister-in-law pointed at the boys. She assumed that it must be one of the boys, and one of them must’ve done a poo in his pants. I didn’t think this would be a great possibility as they’re six-years-old, but they had just been to a fair and they may have got a little too excited on one of the rides perhaps.

Now, being the only male in the party, I was allocated to check out the problem. My sister-in-law pointed to me and said, “You’ll have to go and check”. So, I took the two boys, my nephew and his friend, to the toilets and I asked them to go to err.. “Make space for dinner”. They both looked at me, a little puzzled, but my nephew went in the cubicle and did indeed do his business. This took a little while, and it was made worse by the fact that we had to pass bits of toilet roll under the door due to there being none left.

Whilst all this was going on, I asked his friend if he wanted to have a poo. “No”, he said, “I’m fine”. Still overcome with the pong, I asked again. “Are you sure you don’t need to .. Errr.. Have a little poo?”… “Nope”, he replied again, “I went to the toilet before we got to the fair”.

I was a bit stuck. What do you do ? The poor lad had soiled himself and his parents would probably go mental that we’d not done anything about it when he arrived home. So I asked him again, “Have you got anything squishy in your pants at all?” …

He started to go quiet..

“Do you have a problem with your bottom?”

..I asked again and again, and at this point a guy entered the toilets as I was asking, “Do you need to take your pants off ?”… He gave me a right funny look.

I gradually realised why the poor little boy wasn’t responding to my questions. He completely clammed up and I caved in, taking the two of them back to the table in defeat.

“He probably thinks I’m a right nutter now”, I confided in Emily, “.. I didn’t realise how bad my questions sounded until he went quiet”.

It was about this moment when the door to the restaurant opened and we spotted a tractor in the adjoining field .. muck-spreading…