Christmas Shoppers are mental

My Christmas cheer is in short supply right now. I’ve just been into town, which is never a good plan just a few days before Christmas. I knew it was going to be busy but I forgot the reason why it was going to be so busy. The reason? Idiots. Yes, I’m being harsh, but it only takes a few to create a chain-reaction of idiocy.

I arrive at the roundabout next to the multi-storey car-park in town. There’s a queue of cars all waiting to get into the car-park. I crawl slowly in and, as I do so, I see the cars inside the multi-storey. The car-park is arranged so that you actually drive into the third level up, then go either down or up towards the upper levels where there’s a bridge across to the shops.

Now, people – being people – usually choose to park on the same level as the shops because they’re too fat / lazy / dim to use the lift or stairs. Today was a massive magnification of this stupidity, and as I got into the car park I could see cars wedged bumper-to-bumper, all trying to get to the “up ramp”. To make things worse there were TWO ramps going down, and I could see that – down just one level – there were stacks of spaces free. These stupid nutters would rather sit in their cars, waiting for someone above to create a space so that they could park closer to the shops and wobble out of their cars easier.

After about 5 minutes the cars shuffled forwards and one crazy person nearly burnt her clutch sitting on the ramp (has no-one ever heard of a hand-brake and hill-start?) However, the two cars in front refused to budge. They’d left monumental gaps in front of themselves, presumably just in case someone pulled out of a space.

….I papped my horn – all I wanted to do was move forward two metres so I could go down the ramp and park up. She didn’t move, so I papped again. Still nothing. So I did what blokes do – hold the horn down until something happens.

She moved.

I went down the ramp, parked, walked to the machine, got my ticket, walked back to my car, locked up and then walked back up the ramp. OK, I shouldn’t have done that bit (it’s for cars only) but none of the cars were moving. I actually walked past the same woman, still sat in her car.

Amazingly, I went into town, got my Christmas cards, picked up a sandwich, walked back to the multi-storey (around 15 minutes) and went in through the upper level. There she was. Mrs. Ford Ka. Still sat waiting for a space. In the whole time I’d been shopping she’d managed to move up three levels and was sat with the other muppets waiting for a space to appear on the incredibly busy upper levels.

You. You are stupid. Why is it that a person, on their own, is intelligent, but people, in a group, are stupid.

Merry Christmas.