Fuzzy Brushes!

At the pub the other night I noticed this device whilst pointing the pink shooter at the porcelin firing range. It’s the a big tub full of Fuzzy Brushes. According to their “knocked up with Frontpage in a couple of hours”-style website, Fuzzy Brushes are…

“…a unique ‘all in one’ toothbrush and breath freshener, designed by dentists. All you have to do is place the soft mini toothbrush in your mouth and chew, just like a piece of gum … the results are amazing!

Whilst chewing, the natural action of the brush cleans your teeth as you manoeuvre it around your mouth. At the same time a fresh minty flavour is released from the brush to freshen your breath, which lasts for up to 20 minutes… quick, easy and very effective!

A Fuzzy Brush will quite simply leave your whole mouth feeling clean and fresh – no fuss, no mess! No toothpaste or water is required so you don’t have to rush to the nearest sink and they are completely safe to use. When you’ve finished simply discard the brush.

Each brush comes in it’s own capsule and is ready for immediate use, so you can keep them handy wherever you go…”

Bollocks. Absolute bollocks. The truth is that you’ll only ever get these brushes – which are conveniently placed next to the condoms – if you’re on a “promise” and don’t want to put the potential laydee “off” by breathing your “8 pints and two packets of cheese and onion crisps”-breath all over her. Although I’m a bit confused. If you’d met up with a girl in the pub and wanted to ensure maximum breath-freshness, I’m not sure that half a toothbrush hanging out of your mouth whilst walking home would necessarily do it.

The best bit of this story – aside from the weird fact that I actually took this photo whilst standing in the urinals at the local pub – is the fact that someone actually stole this big jar of Fuzzy Brushes the other week. I know this because when I strolled in the toilets all I could see was a few broken tiles and the gap that was previously occupied by these Fuzzy Brushes. We got to talking about how it happened – did someone conceal it under their coat ? Did they decide that selling them on the local market (hello Brownhills) was a great way to make money ? Who knows… However it has to be one of the weirdest thefts I’ve ever seen. It’s surely got to be a “pissed up” theft. I can just imagine some tanked-up bloke saying to himself, “I’ll have that! That’ll be a loff!”

Anyway, it’s back now and it’s gracing the wall of the toilet (lovely tiles huh?), so we can have the full effect of the Fuzzy Brush… provided you don’t try and swallow the bugger… ohhhhhh… painfull!